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Song Parodies -> "Shooting Guns"

Original Song Title:

"Stealing Food"

Original Performer:

Jay Foreman

Parody Song Title:

"Shooting Guns"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Jay Foreman's a wonderfully witty lyricist - I saw him up in Edinburgh (playing on top of Arthur's Seat, no less.. if you're thinking "so what?", I suggest you try walking up carrying a guitar or a PA...) & bought the CD. Since having it playing in the car on the way down from Edinburgh, I've had the OS going round my head like an intractable earworm, and this is my way of exorcising it. OS on Youtube here, and hear more of Jay Foreman's stuff at
Shooting guns, Shooting guns
Shooting guns, guns guns
Firing rounds of ammuntion is incredible fun
It's so terribly inspiring
I feel epic when I'm firing, shooting
Guns! guns! guns! guns! guns!

I’m a veritable automatic weapon maniac
Yes, I love to pull the trigger and hear rat-tat-tat-tat-tat
With an AK47 hundred-round drum magazine
Or a Browning, Colt or Glock or Armalite AR15

Shooting guns, Shooting guns
Shooting guns, guns, guns
Rampaging rounds from rifles is a blast, and it's fun
I think that it's such a knockout
Getting my Heckler and Koch out
Shooting guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

I used to get my satisfaction throwing throwing knives
But now I'm into .22s, .303s and .45s
Single-shooters, automatics, flintlocks - I do not care what
I don't think there's any gun or ammunition I've not shot.

Shooting guns, Shooting guns
Shooting guns, guns, guns
I'm a hot one with a shotgun, and it's all so much fun
I don't have to make decisions
I'll blast all kinds of munitions
Shooting guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

My family and friends have started thinking I'm deranged
I spend all weekends and holidays down on the firing range
I do not know why they're worried, surely everyone agrees
That there's nothing more cathartic: nuking things with RPGs?

Shooting guns, Shooting guns
Shooting guns, guns, guns
I'm not choosy - Sten or Uzi - either one is such fun
I am so completely smitten
Such a shame I live in Britain
Shooting guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

I pulled the trigger on an M134 minigun
But the ammo all ran out before I murdered anyone
Buying bullets on the black market, there is so much to pay
That I'm thinking that I'll emigrate out to the USA

Shooting guns, Shooting guns
Shooting guns, guns, guns
What is nicer than a Schmeisser if you want to have fun?
Shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting,
shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting
Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns!!

Load the Luger
Cock the Heckler
Shoot the Steyr
Arm the Armalite
Grab the Gatling
Bang the Beretta
Use the UZI
Cradle Kalashnikov
Lift Lee Enfield
Fire the FAL
Blast the blunderbuss
Discharge the Dragunov
Pump the PSG
Set off the Sig Sauer
Shooooooting guuuuuns!!!!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   7
 2   1
 3   2
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mr 1s - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
I liked it.
Rob Arndt - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
I liked it too for obvious reasons and laughed at the line of calibers .22, .303, and .45. US, eh? More modern would be .22LR, .308, and .40! And it is amusing the list you gave of makes and models; with exception to the minigun, I have owned or fired every single one (blunderbuss being a black powder shotgun type). I'm sure Patrick has shot many of these too. You mentioned HK but forgot Walther. And "Schmeisser" is erroneous if used with the WW2 MP-40 which was actually designed by Vollmer, the confusion on the Allied side over the MP-18 line. The "fun" for me in this is that most of the people here only know a few of these firearms and might have to look up the others like PSG(-1 or mil variant MSG-90), Druganov (off the AK), and so on. Nice mix of weapons, but bringing the RPG up seems out of place. Would have been more accurate to use a 40mm GL since these attach to rifles or can be used by themselves. And lastly, it would have been nice to bring up future arms in development like the German plasmagewehr, rail guns, caseless weapons, 3D print guns, flechette-firing, polyslug throwers, and smart guns. Maybe I will have to write my own new gun parody to top your 18 mentioned. I've actually done 100s of parodies with guns already. Shooting guns, btw, IS fun and is a confidence builder. Recreational shooting can even be family fun, but for skilled shooters it is about maintaining accuracy. One little note too- the AK series has advanced to the 100 range but is slowly being replaced when money allows by the Nikonov An-94, a superior design I would kill to get my hands on. A new AKX is under development, but I don't see how they can beat the An-94 unless they over-accessorize it using multiple rails. The AK's design architecture and intermediate round came from the captured German STG-44 family. The An-94 takes it a step further with refinement and new materials/tech. The German G-36 is more complicated internally and more accurate, but not nearly as rugged as the Russian design. The G-36, like many western rifles, was derived from the prototype STG-45 series that went to Spain as the Cetme and came back to Germany as the G-3. The only new trend that has taken hold are bullpups which have limited success mainly in Europe and Asia, Israel and South Africa. Germany is replacing the SMG with the PDW (phenomenol MP-7)...
Phil Alexander - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment

Thanks, Rob - I was kind of expecting this sort of reply: the only calibres I've actually fired are .22 and .303, both over 30 years ago now. I guessed you'd take me to task for "Schmeisser", but I liked the line (in a similar way, there's no nice double entendre for a Walther as there is for getting your Heckler & Koch out). Tell you what.. why not do a Tom Lehrer's "Elements" style list of firearms as a Major-General parody? (Brief aside: the chap who wrote the OS also does one listing all 200+ London Underground stations.. which is more than a bit impressive)
@ Phil - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
.22 and .303: ATC, by any chance?
Phil Alexander - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
The .303 was a Lee Enfield bolt action rifle (probably WWI vintage); couldn't tell you what the .22 was.
@ Phil - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
I wondered whether you were in the Air Training Corps. They were the two rifles that we used to use. The .22s were in the indoor ranges and the .303s were mainly at ATC Pirbright.
Rob Arndt - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
Speaking of .22s, I got my first one from my dad at age 7 in 1971. Don't know who made it, but later I had a Chinese one and of course my fave was my Walther G-22:
Rob Arndt - August 27, 2014 - Report this comment
"Getting my Heckler and Koch out" could have been replaced by "Getting my James Bond Walther out" (P-99QA) :)~
Phil Alexander - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
I think there you might have highlighted a difference in the way we think about parodies, Rob: while that replacement has the same number of syllables, it doesn't have the samy rhythm, share the same double-syllable rhyme at the end (knockout/Koch out) & vulgar implication (do I really need to explain?)... a couplet like
"The first thing on my list'll
Be a James Bond Walther pistol"
only gives two of the three.. so what won't get in, either :-)
Rob Arndt - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
You find the Walther vulgar? How so? Your parody is about shooting fun, but all the arms you list have killed people. Schmeisser is infamous and most recognized SMG in the world. Perhaps someone might find that vulgar. And your terminology with the list at the end is messed up too. One does NOT cradle an AK, it is seated and most users used the mag as a grip due to climb in full-auto. You can't pump a PSG b/c it is a sniper rifle and NOT a shotgun. You "set off" a SIG (assuming P-229 or new P-320)? What did you use to pull the trigger, a lanyard??? Doesn't make sense. Your RPG line doesn't even fit in with firearms b/c it is literally a Rocket Propelled Grenade ripped-off from the German WW2 Panzerfaust series and if you had one you would be a terrorist!!! In Colt you are ambiguous but the M16 and AR-15 are same difference. Browning and Glock are too but you mean pistols like High-Power and Glock 17, or 20, or 30 series. Your calibers are outdated as I already stated. Sten and Uzi are so fun... really? Ever fired either? The Sten (MK.I version you are talking about) has the annoying side mag and a crappy skeletal mini butt while the Uzi can be hard to control and many used to inertia fire in accidental drops. Where btw would YOU fire a minigun? Not anywhere but in the military or MTC. In 7.62mm fires 6000 rpm. Contrary to the movies, one cannot lug one around and fire it standing as it weighs 40 lbs and is bulky as would knock the user off his @ass. I've fired the German MG-42 AND MG-3 at 1300 rpm and those were not bolted to anything. Needs 2 men to operate continuously as the barrel needs changed every couple of minutes. And "bang" a Beretta? Seriously? Phil, stick to non-firearms parodies b/c you defiantely do not know what your are talking about. The guns you fired are relics now. And if you live in UK, that is a joke in itself in regard to personal firearms!!!
Phil Alexander - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Sigh.. No, it's not the Walther that's vulgar, it's the "getting ones Koch out" allusion which adds an extra humour to the line. I really didn't think I'd need to explain that.

Does it matter one iota in the context of a parody if calibres are passé? Of course I've not fired any of them (apart from the Lee Enfield mentioned above), I write songs about all sorts of bizarre stuff that I haven't personally experienced, because I find the absurd funnier than real life (well, most of the time.. real life throws up some doozies at times)

I'm a bit worried now.. you've been taking this all so literally, that it you'd listened to the OS you'd've called the police to arrest Jay Foreman for theft.
Rob Arndt - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Phil, if you ever owned and/or fired any of the HK series of firearms, then that line isn't funny. It's disrespectful in light of the fact that SFs, HRUs, VIP Protection Services, and Police value the guns highly. What I find amusing is that most people don't know that the latter part of technically H&K is pronounced KOK. In your parody that might seem funny to you but is juvenile to me and as you pointed out adds vulgarity to an otherwise nice line-up of firearms worth shooting. I am not taking this literally btw, just demonstrating how I can dissect your parody with ease b/c unlike you, I have a lifetime of real shooting and testing of weapons. Hundreds of them... including that crummy Enfield you shot. Nowhere near a Mauser for its longevity. The British were fortunate to have fought the Boers in which they first encountered the rival Mauser rifles and so knew what to expect from Germany infantry in WW1...
Phil Alexander - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Lighten up, FFS. Given your leaden, humourless alternatives, your dissection of the parody has less relevance than a truck "dissecting" a hedgehog it happens to run over, and about as much finesse. When you've learned to use a modicum of wit & humour yourself, I might start taking your views on parody writing seriously, but until then save your pointless critiques for someone who values your opinion.
Claude Prez - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Yeah, Phil, sorry, but I'm with Rob here - you obviously have no sense of humor whatsoever. I mean, how can you expect to write a hilarious parody about guns when your calibers are all outdated?? Derrr! Please do yourself and the rest of us a favor and stop embarrassing yourself with this drivel. I suggest you read every single one of Rob's parodies and also brush up on your military history so you can at least have a chance of writing a decent parody one day.....for shame, Phil. For SHAME.
Phil Alexander - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment

Hi Claude, it's good to see you around, too..
Anon - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Phil, I'm totally on your side (though anonymously so) -- and that is the side of wit, nuance, and poetry. Your opponent has a rigid personality and understands nothing but facts and empty productivity. All the rest -- the essence and playfulness of a parody -- are alien to him. He cannot be moved or changed. TT tried it and not only gave up but also disdained his whole blockheaded entourage. There are just a few AiR contributors with a flair for the absurd and the talent for bon mots. You are one of them. On the other hand, I'm convinced that Rob has symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome, which include an inability to understand nonliteral phrases and obsession with specific, often unusual, topics.
Anon - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
I'm sure that Rob read Claude's comment literally and took it as support for himself.
Rob Arndt - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Oops... the poor little wanker got upset 'cause he doesn't like to be judged but does it to others all the time. Hey Phil, since you're no Weird Al or Bart Baker yourself (no one here is), WHY on earth would I care what you think of my productive work (nearly 2500 parodies in a measley 3.5 years)??? Some people like my work and I also am the only person here who is both Top 10 Parodist (#3) while also being Top 10 Contributor (#6). That makes ME unique here and your remarks void. I have 6537 total submissions. Top that, mate. And please spare me the line of "my parodies are so much better" nonsense. Says you. The diversity of my author sheet is far greater than yours. I have over 425+ individual artists alone w/o the other materials and my genres span a greater range over a longer time period. You've done 1119 parodies over a decade when at my height of productivity wrote 112 mo/avg!!! A MONTH, NOT PER YEAR... NFR
Another anon - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob, you just don't get it, do you? This isn't an online military bookshop, it's a site where people write the absurd to make others laugh. Try it sometime. You could post 10,000 of your 'parodies' but you still wouldn't be regarded as being in the top 100.
Phil Alexander - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob - you feel you have to call names and make stuff up, now? Impressively wrong on so many counts, for example, I could point to half a dozen authors on amiright whose output matches Weird Al's in both parody quality and quantity (though not in history, production or marketing.. there's a reason Weird Al's no. 1 in the parody world).

Some people like your work (assuming it's not just yourself clearing cookies and voting to boost your own ego, somehow that seems not entirely improbable to me), I can only assume it's because they don't have any kind of sense of humour or idea of what makes a good parody, either. I have no interest in churning out masses of dross just so I can boast about my numbers: over the past few years, I've performed more than three hundred of my parodies and original songs to a huge variety of appreciative audiences. That means so much more to me than the numerical pissing contest that passes for argument with you.

..oh, and when you say "the diversity of my author sheet is far greater than yours", you haven't actually counted, have you? Because I think you'll find it's an awful lot closer than you so proudly imagine.
Ak48 - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Rob is just an attention seeking troll trying to piss people off. You should all feel sorry for the loser. Ignore all his comments and move on. he just wants to make everything about him, like a self-centered whiny child.
Patrick - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Came to this parody through Rob's knock-off. Took a while to wade through the comments, most of which had little to do with the lyrics. I once owned five .303 caliber rifles at the same time, and consider the Lee-Enfield the best combat bolt action of all time. As for double-entendres, have you heard of the Duke of Atholl? Imagine living with that name, especially if you happened to have a lisp. As a reward for some services rendered, Queen Victoria gave the Duke and his descendants the right to maintain what is now the only legal private army in Europe. The Atholl Highlanders are primarily a pipe band, but there is a company of kilted soldiers who parade on special occasions with the old Lee-Metford. The Duke's armory reportedly holds some 220 Lee-Metfords, another 200 or so Brown Bess flintlock muskets, and two Napoleonic era cannons. I find it hard to imagine what it must be like to be a firearms enthusiast in a land where the ownership and use of arms is so constrained by law. I can purchase any rifle, shotgun or handgun over the counter in my town in a matter of a few minutes. Private sales are essentially unregulated. I do admire the ingenuity of British shooters who have conjured up some non-repeating automatic rifles and restricted capacity revolvers in order to continue their hobby and circumvent the letter of the law. Don't know the original song, but I appreciate your appreciation for guns.
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - June 19, 2016 - Report this comment
Fantastic parody and revealing thread-comments (far more laughs than a technical manual). It would warrant 5s+, even if the technical aspects were randomly inaccurate or intentionally offbase. Up here, unlike Kansas, regs are pretty strict, but you can still order on-line.

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