They said they'd wreck me, I'm under the table
Those guys both got ill then they passed out, quite unable
To help clean up the mess
Makes me like this place much less
There are some brews left yes I
Had at least as much as they did
They'd fail for being sloppy
If they were being graded
The basic skill of drinking fast
Is one they can't master


I won't fraternize with Mike and George
I hate those guys, I'm bored

So it's half-past nine and they're passed out
They each had four cans, what's that about?
Realized much too late that they're bad drunks drunks drunks drunks
Canceled other plans since I was asked if I would pledge their frat
Now I can't say yes to that
Since it should take more of the night to get drunk drunk drunk drunk drunk

So I won't fraternize with Mike and George
I hate those guys, can't forge
Friendship if your beer imbib-
Ing skills are poor
Such a bad time, I'm bored

(Scat if you can)
These dudes dudes dudes dudes are
Dudes are really no fun
They are not my peers
But I might drink their beers

(More optional scatting)


But I wonder if it's wrong drinking when they aren't my friends
I'd rather know a tractor beat me out to earn a stipend
Then enter their sad, sad ranks
The only use for their frat is pranks
I guess I will be leaving this most lame of drinking places
But where is my humanity? I must draw on their faces
An L then W
For what they cannot do

And I won't fraternize with Mike and George
After tonight, I'm bored

So It's half past nine and they're passed out
They each had four cans, what that about?
Coming wasn't smart and I, well I am bored
They're weak so weak those Greeks so
Don't ask me to fraternize
More with Mike or George
Wish I wish I wish it was late
I'm bored