Well this hot sauce is great but now I really have to go
Where is the room that has your porcelion bowl
And all this time i thought it was gas
I never thought it would go through me that fast
I need to ease all this pain before i explode

now there is all kinds of commercials about t.p. that makes you feel right
but of course its my luck its john wayne paper tonight
it takes half a roll just to clean down there
i dont need a paper cut in my dairy air
as i sit here sweatin and prayin i wish i was
(chorus)
sittin back home, all alone, on the comfort of my own throne, i could sit and grunt in pain, but I have to be quiet again, now i have finally realized not all jons are the same

now i am finally done and i hope that it doesnt smell
i am in so much relief that i just cant tell
i always feel like a freak show
and where did every one go
and this is the reason i stay home so i am
(repeat chorus 2x)