Some say you're a greedy, house guest,
Just because you like to ingest,
All the things you dip in your tea, best,
Well, what's wrong with a little digestive?

And your brother thinks you're wrong in the head
Because you stole the last shortbread
Because he had to have a rich tea instead
Well, who gives a damn about the taste of biscuits?

Did you steal from the biscuit tin?
Flinging out the wrappers then diving straight in
You certainly aren't thin
Have you seen your double chin?
For a bourbon you would
Gladly sell your mother
Sell your mother
Then have another
Yeah we're all...

Up now and get 'em, boy
Up now and get 'em, boy
Drink all the milk and eat all the bourbons

Did you steal from the biscuit tin?
Flinging out the wrappers then diving straight in
Five thousand calories a day
As you're feeding
We'll be pleading
Spare us the rest

So we stole and ate the remains
After your seventh one you said you're hungry again
"I never feel full, won't you feed me again?"
"I need a bit custard cream to be a rotation"

In my trousers I feel the buttons burst
There was a flash of light, my waistline burst
I'm a lazy sod in a red white shirt
I fell to the floor shocked at the sight of no feet

Did you steal from the biscuit tin?
Flinging out the wrappers and diving straight in
You certainly aren't thin
Have you seen your double chin?
Be they chocolate or ginger you've already been
You've already been and we've already seen
That you've eaten all the biscuits that we clung to
Yes you've mange tout
What we clung to
It's in your chest

LAAAAAA LAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

So I'm sorry I couldn't resist it
Never had a second thought I couldn't have missed it
I have a real problem with eating them biscuits
Their taking their crumbs and placing them on my plate

Some say you're a greedy, house guest,
Just because you like to ingest,
You are the word, the word is 'Ingest'
I break this bourbon and devour it fondly
Did you steal from the biscuit tin?
Flinging out the wrappers then diving straight in
For a hob-nob, a wafer
It's a terrible sin coz
You certainly aren't thin
Have you seen your double chin?
It's a jammy dodger
Or a custard cream
On this barren Earth
You scoff all you see
Be it chocolate or ginger
You've already been
Yeah, you've already been
We've already seen

Yeah, you've already been
We've already seen
That you've eaten all the biscuits that we clung to
yes you've mange tout
If you quit now
We're all blessed