Celebrity? Heck no
There are loads of you
Whose public rep had a falling out
You should quit, yo

It’s like dancing Left Shark, BP with their spill
Lack of consent in Bill Cosby’s Netflix and chill
SNL Ke$ha, Whitney with cocaine
Every blundered event reason you surrendered your fame

Mike! From champion of a heavyweight fight
To the bite of an ear, spending weekends beating his wife
Everybody liked Cady Heron Lindsay Lohan
But snorting up crack got her locked in the clink when she’d grown
A drunkard… when on the road, pedestrians in jeopardy
The pressures of celebrity left Rip Torn destroyed
Those paparazzi naked Bieber pics went up
Tweets of Anthony Weiner’s foul white dick was enough (That’s gross)

Caught with heroin, ecstasy, to Michael Phelps’ large bong
Pedalling drugs and steroids helped Lance to keep his Armstrong
Went from that soccer movie to criminal psychopath
Amanda Bynes ended up in a straightjacket with spinal taps
Kim Kardashian’s wealth, came from videoed sex
Paris Hilton filmed one herself, Suri Cruise will be next
Caitlin Upton became a joke when telling her botched speech
From cancerous shaved fraud to pederast archpriest

Each defendant contends guilt - gerbil up one’s rear?
Richard Gere to Britney Spears, who spiralled downhill
Poor Martha Stewart was another of arrested dames
And a murder rap on OJ Simpson’s record maimed his acclaim
Date wack Phil Spector, get put in a hearse
Date Mel Gibson, cop a load of colourful slurs
Plus Busey abuse, Ike Turner then Rihanna got messed up
When sworn to the truth, Oscar Pistorius confessed? Nup!

This is 10% schmuck, 20% guilt
15% crying over milk that’s been spilt
5% pressure, 50% blame
And 100% reason you’re remembered in shame

At Ashlee Simpson’s live gig, her lip-synching died on the mic
Yeah the jig was up on the spot, so she jigged on outta the light
And that nutter Shia Labeouf has quite clearly flipped off his block
The type women look at and cringe, he’s rabid - give him a shot
Grave fears vaccinating? Patients may misdiagnose
Ask that wreck Jenny McCarthy when she’s hosting her shows
Whether you’re caught for a crime, or swear when tweeting a quote
Celebrities must jump the ship or go down with their sunk boat

Plaque… with handprints on the Hollywood Walk?
In the limelight, under the spot, wait for your status to drop
Is awfulness a product of your fame? Lacking in acumen
Jay Z’s image besmirched when Solange Knowles was smackin’ him
Kony was a goof, it got mocked and got spoofed
And Michael Richards’ n*****s got a prompt bombardment of boos
(Booo!) Timberlake flashing Janet Jackson’s wonderful breast
Was berated like every music act who’s culturally dressed

The Third Reich should not be Harry’s costume attire
And Tiger Woods will cheat with wood, on-the-back nine
Polanski , Rolf Harris, R. Kelly’s paedophile crimes
Subway had to erase Jared from all their footlong signs
A flood of punchlines hit twitter for celebs in a bind
The audience will watch and see your peak and decline
You’ll get martyred, mocked and then scorned by the whole of mankind?
You’re sick of it, consider retiring and be reclusive

Tara Reid’s nip and tuck, Mary-Kate with pills
Fifty Cent can't pay a single dollar of bills
Oprah’s wide measure, Miley on that chain
Started off as a bright spark but you extinguished your flame

This is 10% schmuck, 20% guilt
15% crying over milk that’s been spilt
5% pressure, 50% blame
And 100% reason you’re remembered in shame

Yeah, you’re fired
Life is over, try a new job
Bye, your career
Can Sheen flop?