Woke up quick under the stairs
It was Dudley's birthday
I was well aware
I gotta get up as the day begins
before my cousin starts
bitchin' about presents

Cooked up the bacon, listenin' to him whine
Uncle Vernon's at the table
With his big behind
We went to the zoo and saw a snake
Dudley's ass fell in but the glass didn't break

Later in the month, well I got my first letter
Little did I know, life's gonna get better
Jumped all around,
Tried to catch me a note
But Uncle Vernon had a hand on my throat

Then he made us hide away
We were livin' on a island on my birthday
It was so pathetic
I was there on the floor
When I heard a big knock
And Hagrid broke down the door

Learned I was a wizard on that cold night
The Dursleys never told me--hey that ain't right
I took off with Hagrid to start anew
Though I still wasn't sure what
I was goin' to do

Diagon Alley, how could it be?
Gringotts had the dough my folks left for me
I got my books and I got my wand
On the train I met a guy, whose name was Ron

Took a boat to the school
Got sorted fast
Malfoy's talkin' some trash
Wanna kick his ass
Knowin' nothin' in life but to be a git
Can't stand that boy
He ain't worth shit

Snape hates me, Hermione knows it all
I learned how to fly and caught a Remembrall
Minerva saw me do it
I heard her holler
But instead of detention, she made me a baller

Youngest seeker ever, it made me start thinkin'
Met a three headed dog
His breath was stinkin'
Fought a troll on Halloween to save Hermione
Then she lied to our teachers, to save our hineys

First Quidditch match
I'll admit I was scared
I caught the snitch even though my broom was impaired
Somebody had cursed it
I could've been thrown
We knew it had to do something
With the Sorcerer's Stone

Long story short
We figured it out
We went down the trapdoor
Then I started to shout
Because Quirrel stood there
You-know-who on his head
But when he laid his hands on me
His sorry ass was dead

Then I woke up in the
Hospital Wing
Albus told me that
He'd heard of everything
Voldemort's not dead, no he could come back
"Be careful Boy"
Cuz he will attack

Won the house cup, we just snuck by
Loved to see Malfoy about to cry
Punk ass cry...