-> "Cruelty Previously Unreleased"
Original Song Title:
"Thirteen Autumns and a Widow" (MP3)
Parody Song Title:
"Cruelty Previously Unreleased"
Parody Written by:
Spawned wanton like blight
On some auspicious night
We gave Britain's parents
A Jolly Good Fright,
With my disquieting voice
That sounds like a cat being buggered
Black, white and red,
Should have heard what they said
When we played the demo
In the studio, said
That I really did need my
Square little head examined
'Well, it's worse than you thought!'
I fiendishly teased
(Grinning at them through my nicotine'd teeth)
'We've got a nutter here who thinks he's a Priest,
And Robin here gets friendly with the deceased '
So put the damn thing out on air, if you please'
And something was started that very same day.
Cradle we're christened,
No better a name,
For six perverts with guitars
Although it's a shame
That our beauty is such
We all look like we've been maimed
We fear the light
Because we're Cradle and we're Not Very Nice
(Buy our t-shirts, every one is obscene!)
And we would sell...
Our mothers or maybe our souls,
To secure a contract or
A nice record deal
Never will you more want to throttle someone
Than after hearing my voice
As ravens wing these flighty nights of erotica
(For here's what I do when I'm lacking ideas-
I write down my perverted sex'ual fantasies)
We walked back home to Surrey
All ready to record
At last without flaw
And by Kerrang! adored
And never-more be ignored
'We must direct ourselves to sin'
Said the concert goers as they filed in
'We know they're wrong, and yet'so right
Sing 'Carpe Noctem' and 'Hooray for the Night'!'
(Luisa, just listen,
we need you naked tonight
No two ways about it, a marvellous sight,
But I swear it's alright-
It's all in the name of art)...
We fear the light
Because we're Cradle
And we're Not Very Nice
(Buy our album - we sell underwear too!)
And we'd sacrifice
a few goats on the lawn
If we thought that it would,
(Regarding our record deals) do any good
They said our t-shirts were a wee bit too rude
But we told them where to stick it...
The looking-glass showed bloodshot eyes
DAMN that 10th absinthe!
Some hidden Alka-Seltzer
Made my hangover OK
And loud I cursed
As my croissants burnt
So there was only cocopops
'Fore I drove to rehearse
And then the studio revelation-
Sara Jezebel Deva's New Corsets
So we whacked it out like six minstrels sick
Lecter keeping a long pointy stick
Handy, just in case I couldn't reach the high notes,
To shove you know where.
Producers still wept as we started to play -
I hollered and retched like a banshee with Tourettes
For we thought corpsepaint
At dawn was a bloody good idea
Nine times in photoshoot, later,
We tried but it apparently was
Damnation from a previous life-
My pathetic five-foot frame.
'Try to not look
Like a circus dwarf'
Past the howl of laughing bandmates
Came the photographer's voice
So I stood on the fireplace
Where they snapped us all
Trying hard to look NASTY
Amongst Journos and Reporters
'Midst the sneers of fellow men
Drunken bandmates, drunker interviews
Oh God, we've embarrassed ourselves again'
And under fascinations at dawn, we set out
Like five men led by an ewok
With a promise to tour
Secrets brooded as we drove
From fetish club to woodland grove,
Past barrows and amusement parks
And to each new venue
We awoke like from dreaming, to chanting,
Loud crowds waving their horns in the air
As sea of people only in the hall
'Cos we were obnoxiously noisy
The lyrical and the abominable
Unholy racket for a fee
But I laughed inside, midst the crowds of black sheep
And nobody knew what I honestly meant (Oh, give up'!)
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|How Funny: ||2.9|
|Overall Rating: ||2.8|
|Total Votes: ||8|
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