Song Parodies -> "Blood Squirts, Dark Casket"

Original Song Title:

"Short Skirt, Long Jacket"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Blood Squirts, Dark Casket"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

This one is for Peter Anderson's One Week Notice challenge (Week 35) this time hosted once again by me: Matthias! Halloween is a few months off still but it's never to early to "Have Fun Screams" as one of my ambitious parodies ever written has pointed out.

Don't vant a ghoul who's skin shines like a diamond
Don't vant a ghoul with garlic breath
I vant a ghoul with fangs that jut
Since she's a huge pain in the neck

I vant a ghoul with poor blood circulation
Dates Nosferatu
And dumped that guy Drac
There's bats up in her belfry
There's snakes within her lair
Her tomb will become sweltry
She's sucks in the sack

I vant a ghoul who makes blood squirt in her daaaaaaaark... casket...

I vant a ghoul who's teeth stay pearly (Teeth stay pearly!)
I vant a ghoul who gets sun-baked (Gets sun-baked)
I vant a ghoul who collects social security (Social Security!)
She's two-hundred and thirty but looks twenty-eight
She's gotta file her front bicuspids
While her boy toy named Clark likes bingein' rats

She'll dodge bat... guano...
To keep her cape black
She's drinking a Bloody Mary
While in Mary's shack

I vant a ghoul with a juice box full of reeeeeeeed... reeeeeeeeeed... platelets...

Check out that ghoul's albino pigmentation (Skin pigmentation!)
I vant a ghoul who'll toss stakes in the trash (Stakes in the trash!)
At the blood bank she will make them go bankrupt
They'll kick her out when the ooze stains her chin

Won't need a car with her impressive wingspan
You'll be alarmed when she grows brown hair
Can tell that this dame... Is batty, It's proven
She's switching from Type B to Type O since there's less gluten

I vant a ghoul who'll make blood squirt in her daaaaaaaaaaaaark... Casket!

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Agrimorfee - May 04, 2018 - Report this comment

The reference to Clark was lost to me, but you really did put a lot of care into this vampiric love song. 555 pints. ("Sucks in the sack" has sooooo many different meanings... :0)

Matthias - May 04, 2018 - Report this comment

Clark wasn’t really a reference. It was more of a play on Renfield with a more average name that also rhymed properly.

Peter Andersson - May 06, 2018 - Report this comment

Only on Amiright will the idea of a two-hundred and thirty year old vamp with gluten diet problems bring out (or shold that be suck out?) an author's O-, A-, B- and AB-game! I'm almost afraid to ask if motor hearses are being kept way deep in the garage at your workplace. But what's up with all the single v "don't vant", I don't get that joke.

Matthias - May 06, 2018 - Report this comment

It's a generic vampire thing: "I vant to suck your blood" is as infamous as "Blah blah blah!" (which was actually used as a joke in the movie "Hotel Transylvania" with Adam Sandler playing Dracula). Thus "I vant a ghoul" makes sense in this context.

Peter Andersson - May 07, 2018 - Report this comment

OK. Swedish subtitles usually leave out dialectic jokes like that. However I'm familiar with the phenomenon from movies etc in my own language, so that makes total sense.

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