Song Parodies -> "I'm Getting a Vasectomy"

Original Song Title:

"Celebrity"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"I'm Getting a Vasectomy"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

I've got five A.D.D. daughters
Can I control 'em? Well, no
Don't get me wrong, I sure love 'em
Especially when I'm not home

Can't wait to get 'em all through college
Can't wait till I'm not poor
Soon I'll be through changing diapers
Here's the reason I'm sure:

I'm getting a vasectomy
It's adios paternity
You can say that kids are fine
But once you've lived with mine
You just might disagree

Dangerous relationships
Get much safer after just two simple snips
The stork'll tell me thanks
'Cause I'll be shootin' blanks
& Romance won't be a risk
Getting a vasectomy
(Uh huh)

I'm overwhelmed with girlie problems
And man those clothes ain't cheap
& If you count naps at the office
I average four hours of sleep

I tell my wife more kids 'd kill me
She says it's worth the fuss
Wish there wasn't this vas deferens
Between the two of us

I'm getting a vasectomy
The only solid guarantee
Those pesky birds and bees
Never leave their trees
And stir things up for me

Enough of my genes have staked their place
I've done my part to propagate the race
I face the nurse with pride
'Cause I'm fit to be tied
Ya know it's no disgrace
Getting a vasectomy

Wait - the queen of the Nile says I'm exiled
If I won't help bring her a son
She'll say sleep in the basement
Let me ponder here...
Hey, hey, fatherhood
Here I come!

Reversin' the vasectomy
It's adios serenity
Since sanity's a myth
What's the problem with
Another kid or three?
Who needs a vasectomy?

No vasectomy!
(Nuh-uh)
(Where's my Advil?)

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DKTOS? - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Don't Know The Original Song? It's temporarily available at spaff.com/dktos

Matthias - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Another great one, although I doubt you're going to get the babes with this.

Stuart McArthur - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

been there, snipped that, Spaff - but un-snipping? how could that possibly be possible? ( I'm sure they're just making it up ) - more great clever lines as usual! - 555

Red Ant - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Good one Spaffa Deferentia. Isn't it a penal-ty in Utah to get a vasectomy penisable by misfiring squad though? 5s. =)

Red Ant - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

In an attempt to be punny I misphrased that. That should have read " Isn't getting a vasectomy in Utah a penal-ty penisable by misfiring squad"?

Rick C - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Good one, Spaff! Been there, done that! It did increase the register of my singing voice though. It took a while to get used to it but, now I feel right at home with my range. Oh yeah,,,,5s

Peter Andersson - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Stuart: Unlike castration of piglets a human vasectomy is a reversal procedure, and the man with the knife doesn’t take the balls to the golf club driving range afterwards, even if he’s cheap. There are some various techniques but you know, a man’s crème de la crème still needs to go somewhere and that somewhere is primarily to the bladder, so basically one goes from passing out future generations to pissing out future generations...

Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Geneius work as usual, Spaff.

Stuart McArthur - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

LOL - very clever Peter - but my question is this: they cut the tubes, right, then the loose ends presumably seal up and shrivel up or wither, then they claim they can find those shrivelled sealed-up stumps, stretch them back so they're touching again, re-open them, and stitch them together around the outside to allow clear passage again! - now that's a party trick and a half

Melhi - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

This was a SHEAR 8< delight, Spaff... and it's like I've always said (since my fourth kid was born!) -- No snippy, no dippy! ;D

John Jenkins - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment

Aren't we men foolish? We would give up all that potential peace and quiet for a romp in the Pyramids with Cleopatra. Well done, Spaff. A lot of great lines, particularly "vas deferens."

Jack Wilson - July 09, 2005 - Report this comment

Loved it! 555! Check out my new parody

Spaff.com - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment

Thanx, all!

Matthias: "Get the babes" - clever.

Red Ant: Yes, but only if you're discovered by a private dick.

s2art & PeterCHYD: Sorry, but all this talk of shriveled up, withered stumps makes me queasy.

Johnkins: The answer is yes. And thanks for grabbing hold of that pun.

Jackie: I'll be right there.

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