Mother cooks in the middle of the night as I wait in my living room
I eat some cheese and I hear a whine
It's coming from across the room
Before you know it I start to drool as I hear mother try to say
"You smell and look really raunchy"
But my sweat made her stay away
She lets out a cry as my fart shoots out across the sky
As she hits the floor I go let out some dunn
I sure hope when I come back that she's still alive
Maybe I need to take some tums

Now I'm at a picnic shelter down by Canyon Creek
You won't find me near salad
'cuz I'm filled with beans
I made the whole stupid Wilson family have empty plates
I let out some gas as they call me an ingrate
The oldest old farts merrily tooted because they both knew
I'm an outcast and I'm all alone
So the old farts wailed with me as we howled at the moon
And how I wish I had bought some tums

(Chorus)
Yeah, there ain't nothing not affected
When my fart is injected at what is now living or ever was
I made a stupid mistake when I ate 10 chocolate cakes
And now I wish I had bought some tums

I recall a young man who broke wind fluently
And a woman who's as raunchy as can be
In silence they bothed loved to fart as people said "pee-yew"
With a whole lot of help from a meatball sub
I dieted and now my fart no longer spews
And all because you gave me some tums

Yeah, there ain't nothing not affected
When my fart is injected at what is now living or ever was
The air no longer has a mist
I'm using soap in my breath mints
And all because you gave me some tums

Now the atmosphere is clear
Now my neighbors are not in fear
And all because you gave me some tums

Mother cooks in the middle of the night as I wait in my living room
I eat some cheese and I hear a whine
It's coming from across the room