When they tell me “come around”, I know the rest
Tastin' [x16]

I chew and chew, chew and chew and chew
All the new and different gum invented by the crew
They try to think of anything that might taste good to you
And if I say it's a-ok they'll go and spread the news
Chew and chew but I don't get fat
I spit it out in any handy hat
There's good and bad, light side and dark side
To any gum, even Stride
Gotta get it, get it right
And it's the crew's intent
To someday soon invent
A gum that'll ferment
To make (to some extent)
Sticks of Champagne punch
So they tell me taste that thang
We are tryin' to find the perfect snack

Try the chocolate gum
Try the eggnog gum
Try the pizza gum
Try the coffee gum
Try the peanut gum
Try the grapefruit gum
You know this gum is strong
Know it lasts so long
Try the cheddar gum
Try the popcorn gum
Try the pretzel gum
Try the donut gum
Try the kumquat gum
Try the carrot gum
Then tell us if it's wrong
Really say if it belongs

So that is my vocation
To set my jaw and chew
My masticating mission
To say it's right for you (you)
And here's what I know
Tasting is starting to get old
Yes even for this old pro
But then they pay me more dough
And tell me that I'm grand
And tell me I'm the man
Then shove gum in my hands
Tryin' to develop brands
So everyday
Testing it for the people
Then I verify
If it's robust or feeble
And if it's worth renown
Or just a piece of junk
Makes me shake and cough
Maybe it tastes just like skunk
I can do without
Why don't they take a crack
At gum that kinda tastes like Jack*

Try the cabbage gum
Try the spinach gum
Try the mustard gum
Try the catsup gum
Try the turnip gum
Try the rhubarb gum
You know this gum is strong
You know it lasts so long
Try the eggplant gum
Try the chili gum
Try the soybean gum
Try the parsnip gum
Try the radish gum
Try the garlic gum
Then tell us if it's wrong
Really say if it belongs
You'll never be done
Our research – well it's just begun
Our flavors will not be outdone
And they say to me
You gonna be
Tastin' [x16]

Asting-tay um-gay (what?)
Otten-ray um-gay (what?)
Ating-hay Ob-jay (what?)
Eaving-lay ow-nay (what?)
Owing-gay ome-hay (what?)
Urning-tay ack-bay (what?)
Edding-nay ash-cay (what?)
Imme-gay um-gay (what?)

Boss don't have a clue
I need a better plan
Why don't you look it up
My dentist bills are killers, man

So look all of y'all
At the market stall
The packs of gum there
Are standing tall
But they would not be found
If tasters weren't around
To say it's alright
Better by the pound
So I spend my days just going through the stack
Just so you can buy a tasty pack

Try the salmon gum
Try the sausage gum
Try the mushroom gum
Try the liver gum
Try the gizzard gum
Try the lizard gum
You know this gum is strong
You know it lasts so long
Try the fungus gum
Try the mildew gum
Try the cockroach gum
Try the vomit gum
Try the jockstrap gum
Try the mucus gum
Then tell us if it's wrong
Really say if it belongs