THE CALVARY HILLBILLY

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Christ
Poor carpenteer, barely kept his timber spliced
One day he was planin' cedar crude
And up from within came a troublin' dude
God, that is. Same old, vexous He!

First thing you know our boy's a new messiah
Kinfolks said 'Jeez, move it on up higher!'
Said 'Down in Judea is the place you oughtta be!'
So he loaded up the donkey, met his fate at Calvary
Hill, that is. Grinning skulls, oozy scars, sunset boneyard

Christ taught salvation - oh, in it sank
His first apostle was of tax-collector rank
The Pharisees objected but wise Pyle found no fault
Gomer Pyle felt bilious, a-layin'-in assault
Talkin' bout a lotta floggin' man, half serious-dead
Lots and lotsa gore, on the walls and the floor.

These days Jeez don't say a lot
Those faithless heathens wanted to see him rot
Sent back to the hill, hung on a cross obscene
Had to sponge the vinegar for death routine
Old Gomer Pylate, uh-uh never trusted that man
Second Come - way to go

Now it's time to say goodbye to Christ and all our sin
I kindly thank you folks for bee-lievin' in him
You're all invited back to help nail him to a tree
And have a heapin' helpin' ancient hospitality

Bi-billy, that is. Come on in, raise some hell. Knock some booze off, and diddle some 'hoes, a little bitch.
Granny goin' a-hit up some squirrel! P'salm he said? Some p'salm-book p'soup or p'sumpin'?
(Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Come BACK now, y'hear?
Well, well, well … hell!