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Song Parodies -> "The Calvary Hillbilly"

Original Song Title:

"The Ballad of Jed Clampett"

Original Performer:

Bela Fleck and the Flecktones

Parody Song Title:

"The Calvary Hillbilly"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The 1960s 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme (sung by Jerry Scoggins and a country no.1 for Flatt & Scruggs) is one of TV land's best-known. But to follow this parody effectively, you'll need to use the link provided here

Innovative banjoist Bela Fleck and his band give us a funky take on this hayseed saga far removed from its mountain roots. This version also uses the original third and fourth verses, rarely heard these days.

The vocalist calls herself Divinity Roxx, I'm told, which fits my subject matter. There goes the rest of my Christian fanbase, sigh.


Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Christ
Poor carpenteer, barely kept his timber spliced
One day he was planin' cedar crude
And up from within came a troublin' dude
God, that is. Same old, vexous He!

First thing you know our boy's a new messiah
Kinfolks said 'Jeez, move it on up higher!'
Said 'Down in Judea is the place you oughtta be!'
So he loaded up the donkey, met his fate at Calvary
Hill, that is. Grinning skulls, oozy scars, sunset boneyard

Christ taught salvation - oh, in it sank
His first apostle was of tax-collector rank
The Pharisees objected but wise Pyle found no fault
Gomer Pyle felt bilious, a-layin'-in assault
Talkin' bout a lotta floggin' man, half serious-dead
Lots and lotsa gore, on the walls and the floor.

These days Jeez don't say a lot
Those faithless heathens wanted to see him rot
Sent back to the hill, hung on a cross obscene
Had to sponge the vinegar for death routine
Old Gomer Pylate, uh-uh never trusted that man
Second Come - way to go

Now it's time to say goodbye to Christ and all our sin
I kindly thank you folks for bee-lievin' in him
You're all invited back to help nail him to a tree
And have a heapin' helpin' ancient hospitality

Bi-billy, that is. Come on in, raise some hell. Knock some booze off, and diddle some 'hoes, a little bitch.
Granny goin' a-hit up some squirrel! P'salm he said? Some p'salm-book p'soup or p'sumpin'?
(Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Come BACK now, y'hear?
Well, well, well … hell!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Edgy, and already drawing a lot of flack in voting, I see...but overall, this is really a creative and an amazing spoof
Dave W. - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Faith, hope and parody......
Meriadoc - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
P'stunning and p'spectacular. What more can I p'say?

Wow - the security code is RU3! Trinity, baby!
Lifeliver - September 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Looks like I really drew a line in the Levantine sand with this one. So to AFW, Dave W and Meriadoc, thank you for risking eternal damnation by crossing it. You have my blasphemous respect.
Callmelennie - September 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Looks like you stirred up a hornet's nest of angry evangelicals with your blasphemous verse, my friend. :-D In actuality, you incurred the august wrath of our Leftwaffe, which is what I call a gaggle of ever so tolerant liberals who "one bomb" you if your content conflicts with their world view. You'd best stick to safe subjects like bestiality, if you know what's good for you.
Lifeliver - September 11, 2012 - Report this comment
@Lenny - yeah, funny how if your worldview sucks so does your pacing. I'm not losing sleep over it. Thanks for your support.

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