It's been one week since you last saw me
And made an appointment for December 20
Five days since you saw me paying
And said bring $500 the next time you see me
Three days in the waiting room
I read all the magazines twice over by noon
Yesterday you'd just drilled me
But it'll still be two days till the Novocain starts working

Sit down now and spit in the sink
Give you a bit of water to drink
You're looking at the "Gaaaaahhh! Man"
Don't eat fish or your teeth will turn yellowish
And make sure to floss daily
Don't you dare chew the nails on your hand
Brush your teeth to remove assorted slimes
Now let's clean them of grime
Because I'm gonna drill you
You dissect my mouth into bits
Thereafter you X-ray it, you try to hold me still while you jab me with a harpoon
Gonna add a tooth that's fake never take a break
I'm in bleedin' achin' pain
I like cherry toothpaste, it's the finest of the flavors
Gotta drill me mo', cause then you'll know
The cavity is gonna grow
The operation's so dangerous,
I'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I my teeth are full of lots of plaque?
Never gonna smile cause I'd give people a heart attack
I'm the kind of guy who find his mouth beautiful
Without braces and
All the mandatory drool
I have a tendency to dislike invasive dentistry
And then you wipe that stuff all over my new shirt

It's been one week since the surgery
Strapped me into that chair
The sleeping gas made me hazy
Five days since you reminded me
I've got an appointment on the 15th
It's been three days since the dental goon
Removed all my molars
With a big rusty spoon
Yesterday you'd about killed me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Dangerous Dan the Dumb Dentist
I walk in your office and the cash register starts tickin'
Scarrier than the X-Files with no lights on
You're supposed to be drilling not racing
Better hope the CDC isn't in on this one
Can't feel my mouth I'm getting frantic
That needle is gigantic
Eat Snickers and you will absolutely surely die

My gums have plaque in a thin film
Okay, a bit more than a film
It's as thick as the butt of a fat guy
Gonna go to the Amazon and start eating grubs
Gonna wear my teeth down to tiny nubs
Just so I'm not always having to experience dentistry
To get braces gotta taste that there nasty glue
That tastes like poo instead of cherries
Everything is done far too painfully

How can I help it if I my teeth are full of lots of plaque?
Never gonna smile cause I'd give people a heart attack
I'm the kind of guy who finds his mouth beautiful
Without braces and
All the mandatory drool
I have a tendency to dislike invasive dentistry
And then you wipe that stuff all over my new shirt

It's been one week since the surgery
And my mouth is still bloody
Five days since I decided to sue you and said
Dentists are evil and should all be sent to the moon
Three days in the waiting room
Lawyers aren't much better oh, why did I complain?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two years till my mouth isn't bloody

It'll still be two years till my mouth isn't bloody
It'll still be two years till my mouth isn't bloody
Dentists all want to drill me