The flower said, “I wish that tree was dead,”
The tree said, “How about instead
I wish a guy named Fred
Would squash your puny flower head”

The cat came up with his wish quick
And wished the dog was a fishstick
He had him a delish picnic
Then licked himself in bed

And in the fishstick is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to meet a chick named Trish
With a huge spanking fetish

And in the fishstick is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A bootylicious dish named Trish
With a huge spanking fetish

And the spanking
Would be consensual,
Sweet love
With a fishstick
And the fishstick
Would not be lonely,
He’d be spanking Trish
And crossing her off his wishlist

Ollowfay the ainbowray
Akemay omesay ishesway
Ilewhay I am ingingsay
Tres impressive en Francais

Bonjour mon café au lait
Fromage a la macrame
Laissez-faire du crème brulee
Soup du jour touche

And the candlestick said,
“I wish I had arms
So I could steal those Lucky Charms”
“You feelin’ Lucky, punk?”
Said the leprechaun
“This box is filled with orange stars
And I can throw them ninja-hard
You would not get far
So do not gank me Lucky Charms”

The rainbow said, “I wish I was some cheese”
The cheese said, “Make me, pretty please
A swarm of killer bees
To terrorize celebrities”

The catbox wished that it could fly
Over that Verizon guy
“Can you hear me-- AAAAH!” he’d cry
‘Neath the cat feces

And in the feces is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to slap the lyricist
Who writes weird crap like this

And in the feces is a fish
A fish that has a wicked itch
To smack down like a little bitch
This quirky lyricist

And the smackdown
Would be an offering
Of true
Public service
And the public
Would be so grateful
I be gettin' slapped
Completely freakin' quirkless