Hey buds, I must inform you
I’m not a stinkin’ liar
You can’t say monsters don’t exist
Our neighbor’s a bloody vampire
He acts so high and mighty
He thinks he’s a son of a gun
He’s a harbinger of evil, man
We need to get him on the run
First knot some garlic on a rope
And nail it to his door
Make life harder for this drip
We’ll get his front fangs chipped

We’ll troll that lousy bloodsucker
The lousy fool will never know
It’s us bastards he should thank
He’s a vampire scum and he should go blow
We’ll call that icky bloodsucker
Tell him the blood bank’s in escrow
When he’s in his grave so dank
Play some rattling drums to make him wake up, whoa!

The next thing we’ll do will be so fun
We’ll sneak upon his grave of hell
Put itching powder on the bed
And on the lid add a jingling bell
While he seeks out virgin flesh
Send videos with dumb Rick-Rolls
Feed Immodium to his bat
And watch him plop a mess when he goes
We’ll send him a picture of the Pope
It’ll drive him out his gourd
Next time there’s a party hip
We’ll make sure he’s totally skipped

We’ll troll that dorky bloodsucker
‘Til he runs to Hell below
Slab hot mustard on our neck
Just to bother that dork, watch him go-go-go!
We’ll troll the stupid bloodsucker
Send him pizza from Domino’s
Topped with garlic so it stinks
It’ll make that bum bellow “oh no no!”

Next we’ll go shopping for that dope
Right to the butcher store
Buy him stakes for his big trip
The T-bone’s perfect for his crypt

We’ll troll that nasty bloodsucker
Will piss off that silly schmo!
Tell him that V-8’s what he drank
And not a bottle of warm fresh Type-O
We’ll toll that doofy bloodsucker
Make that undead guy feel low
It’s fun to play some little pranks
On a certain someone that we barely know