Jokes about The Rolling Stones from the largest music humor site on the web. Check out the index for other performers we have jokes about.
A Young Child Having "Rock-and-roll Nightmares" ( Child talking to his mom ) CHILD: "Mommy? I just had a horrible dream." MOM: "A dream? What KIND of dream?" CHILD: "I just dreamed that a 75-year-old was trying to sing to me." MOM: "Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones is a 75-year-old who tries to sing to EVERYONE." CHILD: "That's what I thought. Now how am I going to sleep?" MOM: "Would you like to sleep with ME tonight?" CHILD: "Yes, Mommy, thank you." MOM: "Goodnight, honey." CHILD: "Goodnight, Mommy" (Kisses child on cheek; both go directly to sleep.) ( And everyone lived happily ever after. )
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
(wait for it.........)
.....'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
After every Rolling Stones concert, Mick Jagger used to take a nap, but this is no longer true. The other band members became concerned that he may be "deceased", and they had to cancel their shows.
Did you see that Mick Jagger & Keith Richards were clawed to death by a giant parrot?
It's like killing two Stones with one bird.
Q. What did the Rolling Stones sing after walking sideways into a spice rack?
A. Thyme........ is on my side!
Q. What do brown sugar, wild horses and dead flowers all have in common? A. They're all on sticky fingers.
The Rolling Stones aren't as young as they used to be. Rumor has it that they're working on a new album called "Steel Wheelchairs" Tracks include: Hey! You! Get Offa My Barcalounger! Let’s Take A Nap Together I Can’t Get No Circulation It’s Only Dulcolax but I Like It Help Me Up! Gimmie a Tax Shelter Brown Splenda 19th Hip Replacement Limpin' Jack Flash You Can't Always Chew What You Want She’s So Old and Nursing Home Women
The Rolling Stones aren't as young as they used to be.
Rumor has it that they're working on a new album called "Steel Wheelchairs"
Hey! You! Get Offa My Barcalounger!
Let’s Take A Nap Together
I Can’t Get No Circulation
It’s Only Dulcolax but I Like It
Help Me Up!
Gimmie a Tax Shelter
19th Hip Replacement
Limpin' Jack Flash
You Can't Always Chew What You Want
She’s So Old and
Nursing Home Women
What are the first two sounds a Rolling Stone hears every morning? "YAAAAWN" and "CRICK!"
What is a "rolling rolling stone?" The Rolling Stones in wheelchairs.
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A Rolling Stone says 'Hey you, get off of my cloud!'
while a Scotsman says 'Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!'
Why is the music of The Temptations banned in the Rolling Stones recording studio? Because every time the song "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" is played, Mick Jagger has "flashbacks" of his father.
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