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Music Jokes -> Paul McCartney

Jokes about Paul McCartney from the largest music humor site on the web. Check out the index for other performers we have jokes about.

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A South African miner loses a leg in an accident.
He cries 'Oh no! Who's going to want a one legged gold digger now?'
To which Paul McCartney shouts 'Me!!!!'

- Submitted by: blue badger

A journalist asks Paul McCartney if he'll ever go down on one knee again.
Paul replies 'I'd prefer if you called her Heather.'

- Submitted by: Sarah

After agreeing the divorce settlement, he said 'Now hoppit'.

Apparently, Paul McCartney and his wife Heather are splitting up
because he bought her a plane for her last birthday.
...And a ladyshave for the other leg.

- Submitted by: LucidLupin

Can you imagine all those men who will now be lining up outside Heather Mills' house, now that the split between her and Paul McCartney is final? I'd go in that line too, only I know I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. But then again, neither does she.

- Submitted by: S. Tim Wood

I got to meet Paul McCartney, and I greeted him with "It's very nice to meet----er, I'm sorry---it's very nice to make your acquaintance".

- Submitted by: S. Tim Wood

I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly undid her suspender belt
And her leg fell in the river.
- a poem by Sir Paul McCartney

I saw Heather Mills and Paul McCartney at a party last night. By the end of the night, she was absolutely legless!

- Submitted by: Gemma Anderson

It's a legal minefield for Heather Mills

(..... Rest assured there's no 'arm in it - editor adds!)

- Submitted by: John Warren

One day Paul came home and said "I've got good news and bad news. First, the bad - Linda's dead. The good - we're going to McDonald's tonight!"

- Submitted by: dave

Paul McCartney fell off of London Bridge, but was saved when somebody yelled to him, "Use your Wings!!!".

- Submitted by: Paul Bear

Paul McCartney once said that he only writes music about things that are real. Really Paul? And would you say you do this eight days a week?

- Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Paul Mcartney has decided to bury the hatchet and bought his wife Heather a Xmas present. He has bought her a pure gold prosthetic leg. However it is not going to be her main Xmas present. It is only meant to be a stocking filler

- Submitted by: cougar

Paul was upset with his wife Heather Mills because her favorite music was Hip Hop.

- Submitted by: John

Poor Paul McCartney, I bet Heather is limping all the way to the bank.

Paul McCartney's divorce could cost him billions and he won't have a leg to stand….er, I mean she won't have a leg to… Divorce can be so complicated.

You would think with the billions of dollars Heather McCartney was going to get from Paul she would be living it up, but in fact she's not...... The other day reporters saw her eating at IHOP.

Q. What has three legs and used to live on a farm?
A. Paul and Heather McCartney.

- Submitted by: Ken

Q: How unlucky is Paul McCartney? A: He married a woman with one leg and she still ran off!

- Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Q: What do you call a man with no wings? A: Paul McCartney!

- Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Q: What was Paul McCartney and Heather Mills favourite 70's Andy Fairweather-Low song?
A: Wide-eyed and Legless !

- Submitted by: Ann Law

Q:Did you hear the one about Paul McCartney Not going to church anymore? A: The Priests wouldn't stop FIGHTING over who got to hear his confessions.

- Submitted by: Colonel Wilhelm Klink

What was Paul's most challenging moment? Trying to win a one-legged ass-kicking contest.

- Submitted by: Jethro

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