Jokes about Michael Jackson from the largest music humor site on the web. Check out the index for other performers we have jokes about.
A few years before he died, Michael Jackson finally tried to learn how to fight and defend himself, but he wasn't very good at it. Every time Jackson asked the person he was fighting, "You want a piece of me?", the other person would ask "How big a piece?"
A reporter is talking to a group of Michael Jackson fans outside his court case: 'You're all huge Michael fans right? so on a scale of one to ten.... how old do you think Michael's boyfriend is?'
Boy: Daddy is God a boy or a girl?
Father: Both son
Boy: Daddy is God white or black?
Father: Both son
Boy: Daddy is God Michael Jackson?
Do you know what the capital of Mississippi is? You don't! Then you probably don't know your A-B-C's, either! Beat it, kid!
I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.
I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "f***ing kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.
If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.
In honor of the late, great Michael Jackson, a new jigsaw puzzle has been invented, "JACKSON JIGSAW" .. "Lip Piece, Nose Piece, Finger Piece, Toe Piece, Skin Piece, Eye Piece, Arm Piece, Leg Piece, Foot Piece"
It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".
Male Reporter: So tell me Michael, did it hurt?
Michael: Did what hurt? Falling from heaven?
Male Reporter: No, the nose job!
Man 1# "Why Is the Thriller Music Video Not True?" Man 2# "The Zombies?" Man 1# "No, Michael had A Girlfriend".
Michael Jackson left 3 kids. Has anyone e-mailed Madonna yet???
Michael said to Debbie one night, "I fancy some entertainment, what shall we do?"
To which Debbie replied "I know we'll get a video."
Michael then said "Great, I'll get Aladdin."
Debbie said speedily "No Michael, You have been in trouble for that before."
Q. Did you hear Michael Jackson is moving to PA... Guess which town?
Q. How does Michael Jackson know when he's gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.
A. He tries to put his pants on, but they're way too small.
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
Q: Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
A: It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!
Q: How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.
Q: How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.
Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A: Got two fives for a ten?
Q: What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
A: Throw me the bouy!!
Q: What did the director tell Michael Jackson to do when his hair on caught on fire during the infamous Pepsi commercial?
A: Beat it! Just Beat it!!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both know how to rear a child.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
A: They both have small boys pants at half off!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
A: Both get turned on by kids!!!
Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Q: What do you call Michael Jackson with a suntan?
Q: What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
A: Blowing his first nose.
Q: What does Michael Jackson say when he was undergoing plastic surgery?
A: 'Don't stop 'til you get enough!'
Q: What is Michael Jackson's downfall when it comes to making friends?
A: He is two faced.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?
A: "And then he touched me"
Q: What is the worst thing about making love to Michael Jackson?
A: When the crib breaks.
Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?
Q: What would Michael Jackson do to an egg before having it for breakfast? A: He would fry it on a low simmer for five or six minutes. Then he would add in some...what? What did you think I was going to say?
Q: What's Michael Jackson's Chinese name?
Q: What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
A: Michael Jackson's hand!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
A: One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
Q: What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A: Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Q: What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q: What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup.
Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand.
Q: Whats black, white and plastic?
A: Michael Jackson
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A: Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
A: Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?
A: He's like the little boy he never had.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson get so many face changes?
A: He's trying to reach his inner child.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson want to move to Ohio?
A: He heard there's a Youngstown there.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!
Q: Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
A: He doesn't mind reaching bottom.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
A: He was up to two packs a day.
Sources close to Michael Jackson say he's planning on leaving the country. He wants to live in either Africa or Switzerland.
Why is everything either black or white with this guy?
The date for Michael Jackson's trial has been set.
His name is Aaron and he's 8 years old.
What did Michael Jackson and Joe Bugner have in common? They both wore gloves for no apparent reason! (referring to Bugner not punching his weight)
What did Michael Jackson say when he was in a fire?
'Help! I'm melting!'
What person in Black History does Michael Jackson admires the most? W.E.B. DuBois!
What will Elton John sing at Michael's funeral?
"Good-bye Abnormal Genes"
What's black, white, red and screams "Oww!"?
Michael Jackson in a blender.
Why can't Michael play chess or checkers?
He couldn't decide if he was black or white.
Your momma’s so stupid that in 2001, she tried to kill Michael Jackson because she though he was ‘invincible.’ (“Invincible” is MJ’s tenth studio album) Q. What brand of beer does Michael drink on Halloween? A. Miller Lite.
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