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Music Jokes -> Michael Jackson

Jokes about Michael Jackson from the largest music humor site on the web. Check out the index for other performers we have jokes about.


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A reporter is talking to a group of Michael Jackson fans outside his court case: 'You're all huge Michael fans right? so on a scale of one to ten.... how old do you think Michael's boyfriend is?'

- Submitted by: SAmm

Boy: Daddy is God a boy or a girl?
Father: Both son
Boy: Daddy is God white or black?
Father: Both son
Boy: Daddy is God Michael Jackson?

Do you know what the capital of Mississippi is? You don't! Then you probably don't know your A-B-C's, either! Beat it, kid!

- Submitted by: S. Tim Wood

I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "f***ing kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

If you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Male Reporter: So tell me Michael, did it hurt?
Michael: Did what hurt? Falling from heaven?
Male Reporter: No, the nose job!

- Submitted by: Kaylie

Man 1# "Why Is the Thriller Music Video Not True?" Man 2# "The Zombies?" Man 1# "No, Michael had A Girlfriend".

- Submitted by: Rich

Michael Jackson left 3 kids. Has anyone e-mailed Madonna yet???

- Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.

Michael said to Debbie one night, "I fancy some entertainment, what shall we do?"
To which Debbie replied "I know we'll get a video."
Michael then said "Great, I'll get Aladdin."
Debbie said speedily "No Michael, You have been in trouble for that before."

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q. Did you hear Michael Jackson is moving to PA... Guess which town?
A. Dubois.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q. How does Michael Jackson know when he's gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.
A. He tries to put his pants on, but they're way too small.

- Submitted by: Donna Gelpigi

Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
A: It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A: Got two fives for a ten?

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
A: Throw me the bouy!!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What did the director tell Michael Jackson to do when his hair on caught on fire during the infamous Pepsi commercial?
A: Beat it! Just Beat it!!

- Submitted by: Larcen Tyler

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both know how to rear a child.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
A: They both have small boys pants at half off!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
A: Both get turned on by kids!!!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What do you call Michael Jackson with a suntan?
A: LaToya.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
A: Blowing his first nose.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What does Michael Jackson say when he was undergoing plastic surgery?
A: 'Don't stop 'til you get enough!'

- Submitted by: Ned Riley

Q: What is Michael Jackson's downfall when it comes to making friends?
A: He is two faced.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?
A: "And then he touched me"

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What is the worst thing about making love to Michael Jackson?
A: When the crib breaks.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's Michael Jackson's Chinese name?
A: Melikeemyoung.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
A: Michael Jackson's hand!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
A: One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.

Q: What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A: Michael Jackson has had more noses.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Whats black, white and plastic?
A: Michael Jackson

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A: Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
A: Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?
A: He's like the little boy he never had.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why does Michael Jackson get so many face changes?
A: He's trying to reach his inner child.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why does Michael Jackson want to move to Ohio?
A: He heard there's a Youngstown there.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!

- Submitted by: LucidLupin

Q: Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
A: He doesn't mind reaching bottom.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
A: He was up to two packs a day.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

Sources close to Michael Jackson say he's planning on leaving the country. He wants to live in either Africa or Switzerland.
Why is everything either black or white with this guy?

- Submitted by: LucidLupin

The date for Michael Jackson's trial has been set.
His name is Aaron and he's 8 years old.

- Submitted by: ChuckyG

What did Michael Jackson and Joe Bugner have in common? They both wore gloves for no apparent reason! (referring to Bugner not punching his weight)

- Submitted by: Jim Carlisle

What did Michael Jackson say when he was in a fire?
'Help! I'm melting!'

What person in Black History does Michael Jackson admires the most? W.E.B. DuBois!

- Submitted by: S. Tim Wood

What will Elton John sing at Michael's funeral?
"Good-bye Abnormal Genes"

- Submitted by: D. Johnston

What's black, white, red and screams "Oww!"?
Michael Jackson in a blender.

- Submitted by: Amy Slootweg

Why can't Michael play chess or checkers?
He couldn't decide if he was black or white.

- Submitted by: Dude
 
 

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