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Articles -> Jacko the Wacko!

Introduction: Billy takes a look at the loon that is known as Michael Jackson.

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Article by: Billy Florio

What is it about America's fascination with the insane? You can't go one month without hearing something about some Wacko serial killer, or some crazy terrorist or the new episode of The Osbournes. Hell, the news even reports about the condition of Charlie Manson every now and then (He wont admit he was wrong, give up! Let him rot in hell!). When will the media realize that we are tired of hearing about all these nutcases? When will they figure out that we've had enough?...Well, apparently not anytime soon. In the recent week ABC, CBS, FOX, and VH1 have all aired specials dedicated to everyone's favorite nutcase...No, not Gary Busey...Michael Jackson! That's right, the self proclaimed king of pop, and suspected child molester got to tell his story, in his own words...no, wait, I mean in OUR words, I mean since his own words would be in some language from whatever planet he's from. Jacko was shoved down our throats (no joke needed) on every channel, in about 20 different interviews. Now I didn't watch any of these interviews (You see it just so happens I have a life), but I've heard all about them since it was the predominant discussion at the workplace. (And me being the only one who actually knows about music, of course HAD to get involved). I've heard it all, and I must say "WOW"...."WOW, I cant believe that Jacko thinks he will be allowed to adopt more children". Isn't he on a sex offender list or something? Doesn't that prohibit him from even saying the word children, let alone haveing them on the same couch as him?! He says he wants to adopt two from every continent, one boy and one girl.....Is this so he can say he's molested around the world?, or is it for some secret plan like Noah's arc, where he's going to bring two of every kind back to his home planet where he can molest them forever? Either way, the government has got to do something to stop this! Add him to the Axis of Evil, something! He's a global threat! I'm more afraid of him than the French!

What else did Michael say? He says he forces those children in his house to sleep in the same bed as him . . . ... (A beat) um...hmm....did anyone else hear this? Do I need to say something? Homeland security?...OMG, I think that's a confession right there. Wow, statements like that make me wonder whatever happened to that nice little black boy from Gary, Indiana, that used to sing and dance with his brothers! Well, apparently, after 50 (Oh wait, I'm wrong...its only 2) surgeries, he turns into an insane white woman. Did the doctors operate on his brain? What drives a person to doing this?...I blame Jermaine...he hasn't been blaimed for anything bad since "Lets get serious"....it's his turn.

Now what else can I say about this? Does Michael belong in an Asylum?...YES. Does Michael belong in Prison?...YES. Does Michael belong in the freak show?...HELL YES. But what are my words going to do? The public obviously doesn't care...that's why on Monday night they gave "Joe Millionaire" better ratings than Michael (Don't even get me started on "Joe Millionaire"...I don't like that "Show"...I don't know why...theres just something about fraud that seems so...hmm, unappealing to me). Apparently America is satisfied to just let this psycho roam Neverland Ranch, molesting young boys when ever he please, and making his children wear veils (Like brides), and then dangle them from balconies. Maybe we should look the other way on other crimes as well. Maybe next time a terrorist attacks, we should just laugh it off...maybe the next time a girl gets raped we should just say "Oh boys will be boys"...maybe the next time Sylvester Stallone wants to do comedy we should say "Oh let him have fun...it wont hurt anyone"...do you see how ridiculous I sound?! Why do we let this go on? Its time to get up America...its time to "Scream"...its time to say to Michael that the next time you molest children "you are not alone"...its time to put that "Smooth Criminal" in jail because he is "bad"...Mike we wont "Leave you alone" (Alright, its "Leave me alone", but you get the joke). Mike, instead of molesting children there are other things you can do...you can "beat it"...we all know "She's out of your life", but keep your gay tendencies "in the closet". That's my advice...all right, I'm done complaining for now.

As always,

-Billy Florio

PS:I think someone should dangle him from a balcony...preferably his father, Joe Jackson (No, not the "Is she really going out with him" guy...jeeze)

Read my parodies, and VOTE!!!!!

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BLO-TOWN - March 04, 2003 - Report this comment

U have a big mouth and u shouldn't talk bout what u don't know. I mean look at your Iraq song. You write about something completly out there and u try to start controversy. U don't now Bush, Saddam, or Michael yet you seem to know them well enough to tear them down. Yeah you're entitled to say what you want but I'd prefer if you left the keyboard alone for a while if you want to talk trash.

Billy Florio - March 04, 2003 - Report this comment

Blo-town, the article is meant as a joke....this is in no way an insult to Michaels Musical ability. He has had some great songs (well, not of recently, but he has in the past)....Its just that, well, he's a nutcase..i just read in the news today that he admitted paying a witchdoctor to cast death spells on his enemies, including Steven Speilberg and David Geffen......you know, I'd be afraid to know him......Cmon, even you have to admit that this guy is a nutcase....I know youre a huge Jacko fan, but cmon.....Im a huge Stones fan, yet I admit that Mick and Keith have problems with Parenting children, and substance abuse, respectivly......Its not like youre Jacko...... anyway, Its probably not wise to piss off one of the AMiright Idle judges......and I dont think that its a good sign that he complanes about the parody that I have already entered into the next round......perfect....this should be interesting.....

BLO-TOWN - March 04, 2003 - Report this comment

I'm not saying he's perfect either just trying to busy myself since I can't think of any songs to write so why not talk to u Billy?!

Princess Ana - March 05, 2003 - Report this comment

Oh come on people, why can't you just leave him alone? He's weird and different, what's wrong with that? There's no proof that he's a child molestor either, and I don't believe he is. He just likes kids (and apparently would like to be one). Am I the only person who would try to understand? Takes a freak to know one, I guess.

Lauren - March 07, 2003 - Report this comment

Michael has taken so much critisizm from paparazzi, the press, etc. and he doesn't need more from amateurs. I personally don't care if you don't like him or what he does, but just leave him alone. It's offensive to me because I feel that he has good intentions but just doesn't know how to carry them out correctly. And if you're going to write an article accusing someone of something you should get your facts straight. Michael NEVER said that he MAKES children sleep in his bed. He clearly said that he offers them his bed and he takes the floor. He doesn't FORCE them to sleep in the bed with them. Yes, I admit that he may act a little strange and may even need a psychological evaluation, but it may have come from his lack of childhood. Next time, keep your ridiculous comments to yourself.

Billy Florio - March 07, 2003 - Report this comment

Wow, you are really taking this way too far...its a joke! Its meant to be humorous! Its not meant to be taken serriously...I honestly dont think that Michael Jackson should be added to the axis of evil.....lighten up

Barbara - March 09, 2003 - Report this comment

I understand that you think that making fun of him is a big joke, but it's not funny to constantly pick on somebody. I'm sure that you have done stuff through out your life time that might not appealed to the whole world, we all have. The only difference is that the media doesn't publicize your dirty laundry. People (Such as yourself.) choose to pick on him just because he is an easy target, and guess what? It's always easier anf more enjoyable to make fun of a person rather then give them a compliment or say something nice. You say you didn't watch the interviews because "you have a life" but evidentally it interested you to some extent for you to wrie paragraphs and paragraphs about him. Oh, I forgot. You tried to stay out of the conversation but the people at work just kept on and kept on talking about him, so poor little old you just couldn't help yourself. You just had to take yet another shot at him. When is the last time you happened to glance in the mirror??

Billy Florio - March 09, 2003 - Report this comment

Barbara, I'm a comedy writer, I write jokes about people...Michael Jackson is in the public eye. The interview caused him to come back into the spotlight, after being our of it for a few years....I wrote this article now because of that. It's recent, and people saw the interview. If I wrote an article about Michael Jackson 5 years ago, it wouldnt be funny, or revelevant to the times. Since he was in the news, I thought it would be funny (and easy) to write this article, and since all the info was already given to me, I did......oh, and the last time I glanced in the mirror was about 20 minutes ago...I noticed I had ink on my face.

Jonathan - March 12, 2003 - Report this comment

I agree with people that say that we should leave Mr. Jackson alone. I just wish the media would do the same and stop force feeding his crap to the sane public.

Kriss - March 12, 2003 - Report this comment

Jackson asked to be talked about by us. He needs the attention. Why else did he do the interviews? Its wasn't to cancel any rumours, that's for sure. Yes, i think he's insane, should be kept away from all children, and has the most frightning face next to my science teacher (who is an exact duplicate of Steve Martin). I also think he must have some sort of backbone under his bleached and stretched skin or else he wouldn't have put himself back in the spotlight. How else is he going to get on TV these days?

Ellie - March 15, 2003 - Report this comment

hi! i'm just new to this kind of thing... anyways, Billy, i appreciated what you had said and it made me smile... although it's a little "hitting below the belt" article, it somehow made a point (i guess). i did not see the interview but this article made me imagine MJ talking about how he love kids. nya ha ha! i wish though that he'll adopt me! =p

Mouse - March 20, 2003 - Report this comment

I liked your article, Billy.. I thought it was funny. *is attacked by rabid Jackson fans throwing omelettes* ;_;

SiLLy BoNeZ - March 28, 2003 - Report this comment

i am sorry to say that i too found this to be funny and if no one can take this as a joke then don't read it !! it is that easy !! rock on florio . it is amusing !! we need humor around these times !! keep this shizzel up !!

different sort of freak - April 23, 2003 - Report this comment

Your'e right, it's all Jermaines fault. He was the plastic surgeon who performed on Jacko, he's an evil scientist! HA HA HA HA!

Makayla - September 01, 2003 - Report this comment

hehehehehe....I thought it was really funny. I did watch the interviews, but that was because I was bored out of my mind. Anyways, if you ask me, Jacko is wacko!!!! (and this comes from somewhat a MJ fan) I think he's a really good dancer, but he's still crazy. lol

Makayla - September 01, 2003 - Report this comment

sorry, I forgot to mention something in my review. Princess Ana: you wrote "so he's weird and different, what's wrong with that?" what's wrong with that is that he's weird and crazy! different's ok, but still. well, I just thought that was a funny comment. Byes, ~*~mAkAyLa~*~

Griswald Baboonsass - October 23, 2003 - Report this comment

Billy, you claim that this article was just for fun??Or meant as a joke?? You tell me honestly; WHAT is soo darn funny about yet another article bashing Michael Jackson?? Give the public (and Michael) a break, will ya...Just a thought...

Billy Florio - October 23, 2003 - Report this comment

Griswald, the interview that Michael did was begging to be mocked....if I didnt make a joke of it, then I would be doing the comedy writing world a great diservice. True, making fun of Michael is now cliche, but when he brings himself back in the news, it isnt......the article is dated..at least until he does something stupid again

Greg - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

First of all......sorry everyone, I know you're not going to like this, but I agree with Billy. The guy is a freak! Now whether he's innocent or not of the child molestation accusations is beside the point. Common sense would tell me that it probably isn't such a smart idea, especially since I've been investigated in the past for sexual child abuse, to continue to surround myself with children and have "sleepovers" with children when I'm a man of 45 years old (whether I'm innocent of the charges or not)! Where are the brains here?? That doesn't sound just a LITTLE strange to anyone?!?!? And What about the television interview where he's holding hands with the 14 year old hispanic boy?!?!? You've got to be kidding!!!! Also, what are the parents thinking, allowing their children to spend un-supervised time with someone of the age of 45 whose been investigated in the past for child molestation charges and still chooses to continue to surround themselves with children all of the time. C'mon people.....let's use a little common sense here! If I personally was accused either currently or in the past for child molestation charges, you can be rest assured I would be staying as far away as possible from playgrounds, amusement parks, other peoples children, schools, candy stores, toy stores and any other place where I thought children might gather. I wouldn't place myself within 50 feet of a child that wasn't mine. Doesn't it cause anyone to wonder why he still has these so-called "sleepovers " after all the problems and accusations he's had in the past? If you want people to accept you, then don't place yourself in questionable or outrageous situations. If you have multiple plastic surgeries, bleach your skin and wear makeup and style your hair to look like a "white" Diana Ross, then yes, people are probably not going to accept you, talk about you and think you're a freak! One of your writers said "just leave him alone." Well to accomplish that, my suggestion would be not to display yourself like a bulletin board, act like a freak and participate in questionable and outrageous behavior.

Agrimorfee - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

Just the fact that we are commenting about an article written here LAST MARCH shows that there is definitely something wrong with this man. Molestation or no molestation, he is a mentally unhealthy man who believes money can solve all of his problems, and I can only hope that he can seek professional, objective psychiatric help in lieu of jail time.

Billy Florio - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

And this is gaining attention yet again...

some dude - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

I think that Jackson has to of done something for this to be his second time of being charged with this. I also believe that this could just be a setup out to get his money, because you see, why would someone who loves kids so much and would die without them hurt children?But there's no hardcore evidence or tape of Jackson doing these things. So there's no evidence, and there aren't any facts. I mean someone with money always ends up being the bad guy because of only one reason, and that is to take that person down.

some dude - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

well he is a friek I can agree with you there

Gary Main - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment

If you think for one minute that a fugitive federal warrant was issued for one of the most popular performers in american history with NO EVIDENCE, your pretty dumb. OF COURSE THEY HAVE EVIDENCE DUH!!!! that was about a no brainer statement, you act like you have inside information on a sealed indictment from CHP. get a grip, and find a new idol, this ones got stinkfinger.

Government Cheeze - December 29, 2003 - Report this comment

Uh, when a warrant was issued a decade ago into the search of the same property of the same popular performer, two grand juries concluded that NO evidence existed to indict the accused. Fact of the matter is that a criminal investigation can be launched against anyone on the sole basis of speculation, not concrete evidence. As for �evidence� this time I hope it amounts to more than just Jacko having a pet named Bubbles, and peculiar plastic surgery attempts because it didn�t amount to much the first time, accept in non-relevant circles like the court of public opinion. �And who cares if good or hack comedians want to use the soup du�jour for their comedic material. If they do it for a living, let �em. It�s convenient --- material doesn�t have to be factual or consistent at all, as with all the comedic and general opportunities made from the media obsession with Osama bin Laden supposedly being the �Anthrax Guy.� Oh well. Take it as a commentary on society�s attention to detail, or lack thereof.

qwerty - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment

WTF?

LuketheKing - January 18, 2006 - Report this comment

Big M.J. fan here. Not funny, oh and by the way, he's innocent. Time for the in your face dance. "In yo face! In yo face!" (Gets hit by Sneddon supporters throwing tuna cans).

Someone - June 18, 2008 - Report this comment

u need a life. who the hell u are? i don't know. maybe some bootleg version of that fag perez hilton... but yeah, u really need a life there :(

Randell - August 16, 2009 - Report this comment

Problem solved ..... MJ is Dead! I won't miss him.

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