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Song Parodies -> "Hair’s So Thin"

Original Song Title:

"Heroin"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Velvet Underground

Parody Song Title:

"Hair’s So Thin"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I know that my hair is goin’,
but I won’t succumb to wigdom; that’s not the plan…
wish I had the follicles on my pan.
It’s awfully light on top of my mane;
it’s lucky that I’m not really vain,
but I wish that I had some,
enough to tie it in a bun.
I get nervous when the wind blows.

I wish I could force recission
of f**cked follicles and strand-falling rife.
When shower water starts to flow,
I feel it cascade down my neck;
then the shower drain’s a mess.
Sometimes there’s strand in my eyes.
Even conditioner won’t fluff it up;
I just have to suck it up:
that less in my case ain’t more.
There’s another patch on the floor.

I used to have it shorn when it’s full years ago,
but I noticed then, in my twenties:
There was a lot less to clip;
my mane mass was a lot less fat.
I started to wear a cap
and engage in self-pity…
was feeling pretty shitty,
as fleeing fleece kept falling down.
I spend my days wearing a frown.

Hair so thin, pate skin you could see.
Hair so thin—loss was rife, causing me strife.
Started to mane-whine about my bane.
When wind vented across my head,
lots more keratin threads had fled.
Every time the wind started to blow,
I knew I’d lose hair, a lot more,
with me feeling, it falling, down.
Soon I would have a fringe and look just like a clown…
shimmering shiny skin where once was a bouffant mound.
Could have threads knotted for a rug on crown.
I stood my ground and just said, “No!
I’m gonna let nature take its course.
Okay, hair’s so thin; on goes the loss;
one day I’ll have a shiny head.
If I’m embarrassed, it will blush red,
But I’ll proudly show my lack of hair,
looking as if I had just used Nair.
My tresses no more will show.
I’ll shout, “F**k it—let that wind blow!”

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   16
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User Comments

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Agrimorfee - May 09, 2024 - Report this comment
See i thought I was the master of parodying songs NO ONE ELSE would dream of. You have shaken my confident core. Well done, sir! Looking forward to more, and much thanks to you for keeping the flickering flame of sophisticated humor on this site continue.
JAB - May 09, 2024 - Report this comment
Thanks for your comment! I appreciate it!

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